My Gay Ways

by Steve Mason

We make some of our greatest gains When we see old things in new ways

I look Gay. I am always pristine, I dress neatly and I smell good; a poufter if there ever was one, a good time waiting to happen. So how come I never get propositioned?

Years ago, when I was living in South Florida, I met the publisher of BLUEBOY, a very slick, up market Gay magazine similar to PLAYBOY. He invited me to write something as a trial piece and, soon thereafter, I became a regular contributor. The only problem I had was during staff meeting when I was asked to pick the photos of the males I wanted used in my articles. There would be maybe a dozen 8 x 10 glossies of guys in different poses and various states of undress set out on the conference table. Quite frankly, they all looked pretty much the same to me so eventually I'd just select two or three at random. It was at that point that everyone always gave me a weird look. Incidentally, the photos I picked, were never the ones they used.

Anyway, after a while, I asked the editor how come I never got propositioned? I mean, I'm cute as a button and all. He really shocked me when he said: "Oh - everybody knows you're not serious." How did everybody know? I never said anything one way or the other. He explained that it had to do with "GayDar." Guys in the office would look at me, I would look back at them and they would keep walking. The secret is, it's a matter of how he looks and how you look back that signals if you're in sync. This is similar to hetros "giving the eye" only homos (being much more practiced) are a whole lot better at it.

So by now, you may be wondering upon which side of the street I saunter. Curiously, I have no problem answering the question and wonder why anyone would? Given a choice, I'd freely admit to wanting to be bi - enjoying twice as many opportunities and all. But, alas, that's not the way it works.

As a tiny tot, masturbation became a major interest as soon as I developed sufficient coordination. As I grew toward puberty, I much preferred the company of other males. I was never one of those little boys who hated little girls but why anyone would want to give them the time of day was beyond me. Entering puberty, I found myself becoming a bit more curious since girls (maturing earlier and all) were always the ones thinking up kissing-touching-showing games. But it was still pretty dull compared to camping out, catching fish, throwing rocks and making fires. And then, seemingly overnight, WAMM-O! There ain't nothing like a dame! Nothing looks like, walks like, smells like, talks like!

At this point, my old gang wasn't exactly breaking up but a few did go Gay, and a few remained disinterested in sex of any kind. The majority couldn't wait to do the deed. Sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake we fished and dreamed of both that big, moss-backed lunker the old men sought and that easy girl in the next town the older boys "said" they'd already caught.

Most philosophies of life are autobiographical so maybe it wasn't that way with you but, for me, saying that one's gender preference is a choice is a crock! However, there are those who say just that - usually on a stack of Bibles. I got some insight into this group when I was interviewing a fellow who'd written a book contending that Hitler and all his advisers were Gay, and that's why they turned out to be such a nuisance. That Gays were persecuted right up there with Jews and Gypsies seemed to contradict his theory, but I continued nonetheless.

I asked a question to which I thought I knew the answer: "Have you ever found yourself sexually attracted to another man?" When he said No (as I was sure he would), I was then going to follow up with: "Then tell me, how you would respond to someone saying you had to switch from females to males?" But I got fooled. He said: "Yes, every day but I fight against it." Amazing! What this suggested to me was that those who say it's a choice say so because for them it is! To them, homosexuality is wrong so they behave hetersexually. Those who don't, who give in to their desires, are inferior and deserve to be punished. Whoever said life was about having fun anyway? That the homophobe is a homo should come as no great surprise but, son of a gun, that obvious truism never before seemed quite so obvious.

Personally, I like Gays. They don't make babies (so right there they're good for the environment), and they usually have more in the way of time and discretionary funds for really interesting stuff. Also, they tend to be so gay. Years ago, my wife and I would regularly join a few other couples and spend an evening at the local Gar Bar. It was a lot more fun than the super straight Meat Market, and we were never asked to leave because they didn't want "our kind" hanging around. When you're sexually satisfied, it would seem, life's not nearly so problematical. Hey everybody, let's have great sex and then go out and beat people up! See my point?

But so far, I've been talking about Gays. What about Lesbians? So how would I know about Lesbians? I can make a few observations though. For example, even as kids, boys seemed to be more interested in WHAT it was going to feel like, while girls were more intent on WHO was going to be involved. Also, in this culture, physical intimacy between women is far more acceptable than it is among men.

In Swinging groups, more than half the ladies take to the Girls Just Wanna Have Fun notion of a good time and are encouraged by their mates. On the other hand, any naked gentleman who accidentally touches another naked gentleman apologies profusely. And when organizations like the Rotarians were forced to integrate, men eventually came to welcome the women in their ranks. Girls gyms, hen parties and lady's teas continue, where ever possible, to ban the boys. All this might suggest that being truly bi is easier for women than men. Indeed, men who claim to be bi are often regarded as merely Gays who have not yet accepted their true gender preference.

Look At It This Way

Did you ever hear of a Heterosexual Questionnaire? The following might just cause you to see some old things in new ways.

  1. Why do Heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
  2. Since most pedophiles are heterosexual, should they be hired as teachers?
  3. Why are so few heterosexual relationships stable?
  4. Why are there so few truly happy, fulfilled heterosexuals?
  5. Can you trust a heterosexual therapist to be unbiased?
  6. Is it possible that all a heterosexual needs is a good homosexual experience?

Can't we all just get along?

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